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jondoromal

Tila nalimot na ng panahon ang blog ko, Naisipan ko lang daanan sa takot na mawala ang mga munting alalang ikinalat ko sa internet. Bigla kasing sumagi sa isipan kong baka magtrip ang nagpapatakbo ng tabulas at biglang idelete ang account ko dahil wala namang silbi :D. Paranoia at Blues. Mga emosyong unti unting sumasakop at naghahari sa utak ko nitong mga nakaraang araw.

Akala ko isang taon na ang nakalipas ng huli akong magsulat. Kaya naisip kong maganda ang timing para pakawalan ang masamang hanging umaalingasaw sa utak ko. Marami akong gustong isulat, marami na rin kasing nangyari nung mga nagdaang buwan. Pero suma total halos ganoon pa rin ang takbo ng buhay ko. Ibig sabihin wala pa rin akong halos ginagawa, sa katunayan tila lumala ang sakit ko sa pagkabatugan at parang lalong humihigpit ang gapos sa akin ng sopa namin. Tuloy tuloy na rin ang pagbigat ng timbang ko at paglubog ng emosyon ko. Lagi na lang akong pagod, laging aburido at tinatamad gumalaw. Hindi ko alam kung dala lang ng pagkaurat or talagang simula na eto ng depresyon. Sana hindi naman. Si kat medyo dinadatnan na rin ng "BLUES". Madalas na ring mainit ang ulo niya. Ewan ko kung dahil sa akin, o dahil nababato lang din sya. Hindi ko alam kung anong nangyayari sa akin, parang ang hirap hirap sumaya nitong mga nagdaang araw. Kaunti na lang ang mga bagay na nakakapagpangiti sa akin ngayon. Sobrang kaunti na lang. Buti na lang at andito pa ang magina kong tumatayong liwanag sa madilim kong mundo. 

Pero kung iisipin mo hindi naman ganoon kasama ang buhay ko. Masuwerte pa rin ako kesa sa ibang tao dyan, Nagagawa ko pa ring magpasalamat sa takbo ng buhay ko. Wala kasi sa personalidad ko ang pagdadrama. Hindi kasi bagay sa akin ang emo, masyadong corny. Lilipat kami ng inuupahang tirahan sa susunod na linggo. Bagong simula na naman, bagong adjustments. Isa na namang bagong simula, excited na ako. At higit sa lahat sawa na akong magmukmok sa lugar na ito.

On Target
Gays should not abuse society’s tolerance

By Ramon Tulfo
Philippine Daily Inquirer
First Posted 00:12:00 11/19/2009


The Commission on Elections (Comelec) is right about rejecting the application of a group composed of lesbians and gays to become a party-list group.

Had the poll body approved the application of Ang Ladlad, baka tinamaan ng kidlat (lightning would have struck) its commissioners.

Kidding aside, gender should never be an issue in politics.

If there are many gays and lesbians in our midst, fine! We should respect their rights.

But they should not also go around town proclaiming their preferences as if it was a badge of honor.

There is nothing honorable or normal about same-sex marriage or union, which Ang Ladlad is trying to promote.

Gays and lesbians should be happy society tolerates them. They should not abuse society’s doting attitude towards them.

(The complete article here. See also this news report.)

soulsmoker

it was a good night. a time where all the rantings about life was expressed. it was a good therapy for us all. and then after the conversations, i realized we were all victims of love. at some point in our lives we have succumb to loving that one person who made us feel alive , got hurt in the process and then they moved on, they were able to, i was able to before and i will be able to do it now.

i actually feel better now, at least now. i would not know about tomorrow, the pain might come again. when i am reminded of him, the things we used to do, the things we used to share, the things we used to say, the places we go to. but that is  a part of it. i have to pick up the pieces or no one else will. i will have to decide to move on, get a life, start from scratch, mend myself. this is going to be very difficult but i know it is possible.

tonight is that night. and although it may seem as difficult as crossing the ganges river. i will do this. i can do this. i am stronger than this. i am better than this. the decisions i  have made lately are but momentary lapses of judgement, though i do not regret them,, they made me realize something. when u hit the bottom, there is no other way but up. 

i love him, love him just the way he is, no buts , no ifs. and  i will always do. but i have to get on with my life because the world will not stop revolving just to pry on my pathetic private life. there are a million people in this planet and some are going through so much worse than this, i should be thanksful. there is so mcuh more to do. my identity should not be attached with him. my happines should not be because of his existence. my voice should be back. my zest for life whould be reborn.

i am done wallowing on my own sad emotions. yet. i will still love the rain. the grey sky. the sad sound of birds humming in the meadow.  the lonely boat in the river. the falling of brown leaves. the breeze of summer. the silence of the night. the sorrow of poets. the journals of my past.the  tragic love stories. the melacholic music.

and yes. i was looking for a miracle. i found it. in an unlikely time and place.

to be continued..

If there's one thing that I can be thankful about Mr. Nualan, that would be introducing me to J94G.

J94G...

• is The Creator's co-worker at her NORMAL occupation. Mr. Nualan has this habit of patrolling the floor to check on employees who dawdle at work and saw The Creator scribbling -- no, doodling... NO! sketching OMU characters on a blank sheet of paper which happened to be an important sheet of paper. Instead of a verbal warning, the Creator found herself facing J94G .
  
• has a lot of refreshingly great ideas using Photoshop, Dreamweaver, etc. which will rival [or overthrow] the one who used to reside in the Creator's heart. Right there and then, the Creator knew he'll be of great help with the revamping IF and ONLY IF he decided to help.
• used to work for Toei. [OMU Creator: why did you resign? waiiiii D":] J94G worked there as a tracer(?), lived like a vampire with Jap animators, learned techniques and got his hand veined because of the tracework he has to do...every single day...

He's going to help. He just borrowed my back-up copy in a CD and is on his way to transforming OMU to Culture Crash form. The Creator eagerly waits for the results. ^____^

joycie

Still no meteors flashing my way. Only navy blue clouds on an ebony sky. Oh well.

We had a short day at the hospital, there was a mandatory stay-at-the-library memo for all the interns. And so, we sort of had a free duty. I'm happy because we didn't work as hard today, and sad because I didn't have any patients to learn from.

And because I was tired of reading the medical stuff, I took a break and scanned the newspaper. A sociopolitical events expert, I am not. But somehow, I just want to speak out what I was thinking.

Pacquiao fever. Pacquaio in politics.
(Nah. He lost the elections last time, despite his boxing feats. We have become aware that the on-screen champions are a different story when it comes to politics.)

Pacquiao vs. Mayweather

(Lose-lose scenario for Pacquiao. If he says no, Mayweather will have bragging rights. If Pacquiao fights, he'd better win big time, or it'll be the end of his boxing glory)

Manny Villar and Loren Legarda, runningmates...
(Which just ruins their credibility. Manny using Loren's good reputation, and Loren using Manny for his well-oiled campaign machinery. Good luck to both.)

Hacienda Luisita.
(Has gone on long enough. It breaks my spirit to see the plight of the poor, the greed of the rich, and our sick legal system.)

Pacquiao and Jinky fighting due to Krista Ranillo...
(Typical. A full blown disaster.Let them fix it up, and stop the slandering. They are people after all, and no family is ever the cleaner.)

Edu Manzano, running for vice president.
(Game ka na ba? Kami, hindi.)

3 killed and 7 injured at Pasay demolition...
(Why use guns? WHY?! Of course they would protect the mosque, it is their place of worship. A little respect for their religion! There could have been a better way to do it. No wonder some Muslims would think badly about the government. Why fuel their agitation? Why? WHY?!)

New Moon, now showing.
(And dateless. moving on...)

Efren Penaflorida, the CNN hero...
(He's such an inspiration. With him and his group around, there is hope for this nation. WE CAN DO SOMETHING FOR OTHERS IF WE WANTED TO. I wish that aside from voting for him, we would also be encouraged to help the less fortunate. But first of all, let's vote. He deserves to win.)

Now on to the news of my life. I'm learning that some people have interesting stories to tell about their lives. And I am amazed to find out. But amidst all the sharing, I'm still keeping much a secret, sorting is still to be done with my baggages.

soulsmoker

i need a miracle.

yet.

i do not even believe in miracles.

This one I saw over at The Evening News on TV5:

Amazing, and a bit scary.

***

Scary as the corpse scene in Alfred Hitchcock's The Birds (1963):

***
And, this tribute to Alfred Hitchcock in which the famous director is devoured by one of his most remembered films: